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file under: squeegy beckenheim.

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(no subject) [Dec. 22nd, 2006|04:26 pm]
file under: squeegy beckenheim.
i am anxiously awaiting a new year.
this one, with very few exceptions (mauricio's wedding, greg),
has sucked.
looking forward to 2007.
i love you.
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money for nothing. [Aug. 21st, 2006|09:54 am]
file under: squeegy beckenheim.
i read once that this guy was trying to get across the country with no money, so he posted something online and people sent him donations to his paypal account and he ended up being able to get there.
i need my car to function.
i wish i could steal a page from that dude's book.
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(no subject) [Jul. 11th, 2006|05:43 pm]
file under: squeegy beckenheim.
remember me?
i'm still alive.
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must pay traffic tickets. [Mar. 16th, 2006|11:41 am]
file under: squeegy beckenheim.
in an effort to make some money...

i'm for hire. i can do most anything. and i ain't too proud to beg.
let me know.
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(no subject) [Mar. 15th, 2006|09:33 pm]
file under: squeegy beckenheim.
i just wish it never happened. that way, i wouldn't still be feeling like this.
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a bird's funeral. [Mar. 1st, 2006|04:10 pm]
file under: squeegy beckenheim.
i walked outside to find a dead bird on my doorstep this morning. i went out for a bit and came back to find it had moved. i got out a shovel, burried it under a tree next to my house, and fashioned a cross from sticks. i'm not really sure why i did this, but i cried. i cried for the bird and i cried for those i've lost and i cried, i guess a little, for myself.

if you really want to know the truth, it's killing me that the things i need to be caring about right now - cost of living, job, etc. are being overpowered by this horrible feeling that i can't seem to shake or change. because when it comes down to it, my gut is telling me that things would be alright if one of these situations was different. before, it was always one or the other, and i'd complain about it along with every other red-blooded human being. but now it's come to this. now i have nothing.
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the me i know you could love. [Feb. 17th, 2006|06:19 pm]
file under: squeegy beckenheim.
i guess one of the best reasons for writing an entry in this thing is when you're depressed or lonely or just a little introspective. long story short, as soon as i realized there was something to lose, i got scared and shut down. i never gave him the chance to get to know the real me. the one he did know, he said he wasn't falling in love with. but i know that if he'd had the chance, if i hadn't put those walls down, if i had only faced my fear and said what i was thinking, acted on what i was feeling, things would be different. i hope they would. i know they would. i really messed up. now i'm being honest, giving space, and spilling my guts all over the place. i just wish there was a simple way to make things all better. go back to the start. see? that was a long story short.
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(no subject) [Jan. 3rd, 2006|06:24 pm]
file under: squeegy beckenheim.
audra says she's never seen me like this.
i think it's a good thing.
everything else is shit, but i can't help but smile.
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the truth [Dec. 9th, 2005|10:29 am]
file under: squeegy beckenheim.
i can't help it. it's just a crush. but i still can't figure him out.
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the stromboli & the cake [Nov. 3rd, 2005|11:27 am]
file under: squeegy beckenheim.
just talked to ben in new york. they're at fischer's place and about to go downtown. i wish i was there...
in other news, i've owned the exorcist for 4 years now and have only made it through the first 15 minutes. i wanted to watch a scary movie this halloween, like nightmare on elm street or glitter or something, but it still hasn't happened.
last night we went over to joe's for his birthday and a little pistons action, which ended triumphantly. like christmas bells. speaking of triumphant, or something, joe spent his birthday yesterday at rosa parks' funeral. 1. that's awesome 2. it's bizarre.

later at joe's, i told him how i saw kwame kilpatrick being interviewed and about how he said "i'm just going to wing it. you can't prepare something to say at an event like this," when asked about what he would say at the funeral. "no," i thought, "this is exactly the time you need to be thinking about what you're going to say!" what a moron. joe said kwame said something about rosa parks being the most important person who ever lived when he spoke. i laughed my ass off when joe continued, "i few people come to mind: martin luther king jr., jesus christ, gandhi, etc..." obviously, not to take away from rosa parks.
speaking of laughing your ass off, i know i've said this before, but i really wish you could. i wish laughing were an exercise.
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